I've MOVED.

Hey Everyone. This will probably be my last post here. As usual, I don't like to stick to one thing for too long. I did the Xanga thing. I've now done the Blogspot thing. And now, im on the whole Tumblr thing. So, I'm done with this and moved on. See ya there. Follow me on Tumblr! BYE BLOGSPOT.

a bunch of feelings in one paragraph.

WARNING: CRAZY RANT AHEAD.
i talked to my friend and it was really one of those great talks. and something hit me when they said, "its hard telling people to be happy when your not even that happy yourself." wow, you couldnt be anymore on target than that. alot of the times i try to give people advice, trying to help them out. but for some reason, i tend to ignore my own suggestions and ignore what im feeling at that moment. its like i end up pushing my own feelings to the side. did i forget? or do i choose to forget? i really don't know the answer to that. but in order for me to help others, i think i need to help myself first. and thanks for helping me realize that friend. we are wayy more alike than we think. even if i am a boy and you are a girl, we can relate. its good to know that theres someone there going, or has gone through what i've felt or am currently feeling. people go through so much and its not until you understand what they've been through until you truly get to know who they really are. its really hard to be in my shoes right now. but i cant imagine what other people are going through. its probably way worse than me, but its just that feeling thats so hard to bear. and speaking about feelings, wow. i just want you by aj rafael is the story of my life. seriously my head is full of thoughts and im typing them as they come. dont mind the randomness. but life is hard. and i appalaud those who've found themselves. i admire your strength. and i'll let you know when i get there. my feelings are kinda just all over the place. but most of the time, in the quiet of the day i think to myself how much i want my life to be different. and to end this thing, its hard to compete when you're not even in the race to begin with.

paz con tigo,
MARC

i get so weak.

I don't know what it is that you've done to me
But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing
It's a feeling that I want to stay
'Cuz my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the cause and cure is you


I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak, I lose all control
Then somethin' takes over me
In a daze, your love's so amazing
It's not a phase
I want you to stay with me, by my side
I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet, it knocks me right off of my feet
Can't explain why your lovin' makes me weak


Time after time after time I've tried to fight it
But your love is strong, it keeps on holdin' on
Resistance is down when you're around, pride's fading
In my condition I don't want to be alone
'Cuz my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the cause and cure is you, you

here's where i begin, enough of jojo's song lol. this song is so true and relevant and she couldnt or swv couldnt put it any way better. i really dont know what it is or what you do to make me weak everytime you're around. everytime you're there, this whole new feeling of joy rushes through me. my heart smiles and i'm in total weakness in your presence. the effect you have on me is something great. i dont know if this is making sense, but i just get so weak...

paz con tigo,
MARC

when you look me in the eyes.

finally, i'm starting to come into the person i truly am. im not afraid to tell people how i really feel and im not afraid to show who i really am. but because of this new found revelation, comes this curse. the topic of love and relationships is always a constant topic among people i hang with. and i dont blame them for talking about it. i mean it must be amazing... not that i'd know. but now that i've come to realize who i really am, like who i really really am; and i find myself stuck.

it never really occured to me how i really felt until the day you looked me in the eyes. and from then on, my feelings developed. everyday that you spoke to me, or even looked at me, my heart kept falling faster. your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your compassion, yourself, you... everything about you seems perfect. the way you make me smile, the way you make me feel, the way you make me laugh, the way you are, the way you understand, its just all perfect. everytime you're around i feel safe and comfortable. you make me want to be me when you're around. i'm just so happy when you're there. and i want that in my life. but guess what, i can't have that. everyday i see you, my heart smiles bigger than ever. but even though it does, i can never show you how i really feel. i try my best to hide it and it hurts me inside to do it because if i told you, you probably wouldn't talk to me ever again. its so hard, so difficult, so unfair how i can never let you know how i feel about you. but i guess thats what life is supposed to be, hard. i think its come to a point that i can say i love you. but at the same time i can't. its hard to love a person, who won't love you back. so i guess all im left to do is wait for the next best thing. but thats the thing, i dont want anything but you. i want you; and i can't have you and it hurts so bad to know that it'll never be. all i can do is wonder what could be and forget what i want it to be. i sit everyday thinking about you and i cry knowing whoever will be with you is THE LUCKIEST PERSON ever. i wish them the best and i hope they appreciate you for who you are. because i honestly know what im going to miss out on. have fun, while i sit here waiting for the day you tell me that you love me back. i love you. and thats all i can say. my heart hurts knowing it can't be, but thats the way it is. and thats the way its going to be. but when you look me in the eyes, my heart melts. and the only way to get it back together is to snap back into reality.

this time its not paz con tigo..
te amo para siempre,
MARC

ps i hope this isnt creeper status. its not meant to be.

capturing time.

its times like these you're thankful
for your friends and for the people
who make real life become a piece of art.
thanks bullet!

so long, goodbye

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean "I'll miss you"
Until you meet again.

Sure saying goodbye is a part of life
but it’s defnitely something I wasn’t ready
for. You might be thinking, oh he's talking about saying goodbye to 2008 and
hello to the new year. And you may be correct. Well, partially.
Two-thousand eight was full of good memories (especially because of Senior Year)
and I’m sad to see them go, but i'm not just talking about that.

It started with my sisters wedding, seeing her walk down the
aisle at her wedding brought tears of joy into my eyes.
I couldn't have been any happier for her, until the end of this year came.
As 2008 ended I realized that my time with her was coming to an end and
it only became more of a reality as it moved closer. Thanksgiving
passed and Christmas arrived and so did the thoughts of her departure.
I'm not going to see my "Ate" anymore as much as I do.
And as soon as you know it, the new year had come... and guess what?
a new beginning had arrived as well, at least for my sister.
New Years day was probably the saddest family party I've gone to.
Seeing my whole family cry as they said their final goodbyes to the newlyweds.
It was especially hard to see Macey and Ate say their goodbyes, they could not stop crying
because they knew it had actually come to this, the end. They simply looked
at each other and tears ran down their faces. Seeing Ate hug
her second "little sister" only made the goodbye even more special.

The first of January passed and the 3rd finally came. The day that
my sister and her new husband would actually leave for good to
their new home in Massachusetts…had actually come.
I woke up to Eric and Tita Rowena greeting everyone in the house…
But most importantly I woke up knowing this would be the hardest day I’d ever go through.
We ate our final breakfast with my sister and Paul and after... it was finally
the time. Everyones mood seemed to go from happy to sad. We all stood in
the street waiting for them to leave and it was time. Paul said, “lets go,”
and we all looked at my sister and immediately the tears ran down our faces.
The first person to say Bye was my mom and never have I heard both of them
cry like they did that saturday morning. It was the cry only a mother and her
daughter could ever share. It was a cry of pain, of loss, of hope, and at the same time of
joy. My dad of course followed after, making sure not to show the pain he really
felt, covering it up with jokes. Following was Tita Rowena and never have I seen her cry like she did
that day. Following was Eric with a sad look in his face making sure not to let himself get too sad. And after was Kimmie,
they hugged for the longest time making sure to not let go because any extra second only meant she'd be here a little longer. My older sisters words still stick in my mind
as she told Kimmie, "You're the NEW Ate now, be good, they look up to you now,
take care of them... I won’t be here anymore to do it." And I didnt really cry until that sentence registered in my head. So I hugged my sister last making sure to squeeze as hard as
I could because this was it. After all of that, she walked into
Pauls truck crying hysterically saying her final goodbye to the only home
shes known. And it was complete. My sister had finally drove off with her
husband to their new life in Massachusetts. The tears didnt end their. I walked back
into the house where I heard my mom crying. NEVER HAVE I HEARD SUCH A CRY. I heard
my mom cry like a mother who had just lost her daughter. Of course she was in the
arms of Tita Rowena comforting her that it would be okay...

That was the hardest day I've ever been through. Saying goodbye to my oldest sister
was unbareable. Sure, she promised to move back after a while. But my oldest sister,
who has been there for me since birth had actually... left. She had actually left to her new life. The bird finally flew from the nest and its hard to accept. As much as I keep
my feelings in its so hard to realize that my sister is no longer
here, living with us in the house. I guess it won’t hit
us until we are by ourselves noticing that there is a missing
piec e to our little family puzzle. When I come back on the weekends I won’t see her at home
and that scares me...

Times ARE moving forward and nothing lasts forever. AND thats whats so hard
to accept. I really do miss my sister and I wish she was still here,
but I guess the memories are what we have left. Me and kimmie will
have to tuff it out here in California without our oldest sister, our "ATE," our one and only... ATE.

I miss you Ate, and you don’t know how much we miss you.
I wish you all the best in your new life with Paul out there in Massachusetts.
You will be TRULY AND GREATLY MISSED. I LOVE YOU.

AND here it goes, as tears run down my face… SO LONG, GOODBYE.
(but see you soon…)


paz con tigo,
MARC

times are changing.

with another year gone, the memories
linger in "what was" and the future holds
"what may be". i don't really know whats
going on in my life, but something is going
maybe its a loss, maybe its fear. maybe its just
the end of a good year. i'll miss it. but i wont
misss ALL of it. time is definitely moving forward
and for some reason i just want it to stop.
with my sister gone, it just seems different
my family seems different, i feel different
everything feels different
its just hard to except that times are changing
and nothing lasts forever.

its hard to say goodbye, but its even harder to let go.

more to come.
this is just an appetizer

paz con tigo,
MARC

its definitely the end.

BEFORE YOU START READING THIS PLAY THE SONG "AVE MARIA" AND THEN READ ON:
IT MAKES A BETTER EFFECT)

I Am...Sasha Fierce


i started out college thinking that life was going to be hard, but now that my
first semesters over, i've realized its even worse than i had thought at first.
and its not going to get any better from here on out.

my first semester of college was an experience like no other. when i think of it,
my first semester was split up in two parts: the fun part and the school part.
obvously the school part is what still gets me. trying to study so hard for tests
to only find out you get f's on them is so not what i expected. school is hard and
thats what sucks, its just going to stay the same until i leave and graduate.
i guess i can't really decribe how it is. its always this constant pressure on you
to get the best grades possible. but how when theres so many people trying to compete
with you and all you can do is try. its just hard. one second you can be there and
another second you can be gone. and why? because a certain class (thats not important)
happens to be the biggest obstacle to you to get to the program? school can be
F'ed up. but i guess thats just me complaining.

but aside from school, i'd rather spend my time talking about the fun part of my
first semester of college. to start off, i didnt find it hard to transition from
high school to college because of my high school friends. eric, nikki, claudette, and joanne (aside from kristina and sam; because i see them everyday) really helped me through the transition. having them constantly care, having them constanly there, and constantly talking to them made me feel like they still cared. i never felt alone
and i'm happy they're my best friends =]. to know that you can be far apart and
still talk like you see them everyday is when you know that you've got a good thing
or things in your life. thanks guys, you are my bff's for life. and even though i
dont talk to everyone everyday, when i do talk to you: i love you. fio, galia,
tracey c., carissa, gonda, jen, and darlene i'm talking about you. even though i dont
talk to you daily, when i get the chance too: its amazing. thank you for also
keeping me sane. =] i couldnt do it without you.

i have to add a disclaimer. lol. i want to especially mention ballada and sam.
without these two cutes, i'd kill myself on that mountain. i want to specially thank
them for keeping me sane and helping me to get through every hell day at school.
they're pretty much why i can get up to go to school: because of these two bitches. i know that they'll be there for me and i love you guys so much you have no idea!

anyways my new friends are also a fun part of my college experience. i love you CRU.
you're to many to name! but thanks too for being there. tiffany, ballada, sam, rosanna, adrienne and josh. thanks for everything. the last weeks of school were
some good times only because of you. the laughs, cry's, and crazyness is something
i'll always remember. thanks to you guys i've been able to keep myself on the mount.
and without you guys i wouldnt wake up to go to that "hell hole." our late night
eating runs, our random outings and our infinite amount of laughs, cry's, and serious
talks with the sexual parts too lol. thanks so much for helping me through it all.
and i can't forget all those people i actually shared REAL and TRUE talks with:
im talking about you guys that were part of our "mini kairos." lol thanks for
listening and thanks for understanding. i love you guys (you know who you
are: all of us in my room that one random night. but i'll mention you guys again: sam, kristina, justine, adrienne, josh, and joflo)

pretty much the fun part of my first semester was definitely FRIENDS. my first roomie
scooter, my newly found friends from CASA, pretty much the people at the mount are
what makes it fun. so thanks.

but of course i couldnt forget the best people in life: my pink ladies (coco, kim, mace).
KIMMIE and MACEY especially i really do love you guys so much. thank you
for letting me... be me. =]

but now that my first semester is over, i've realized that i'm constantly being
surrounded by great people. i'm really lucky. and even if i dont see
everyone next semester i'm happy to have shared such a good first semester with you.
it really is the end of a good semester, thank you GOD.
but im sure i will seee you when i see you.

paz con tigo,
MARC

anticipation and excitement.

school is coming to an end. its our last week of school full of finals.
well not exactly full. but i just can't wait to get out!
thursday after anat final = heaven. this first semester of college was definitely
fun because of the people. but it was also very hard... so im really happy to
get away from it all. i feel i deserve a break. a few more days...
can't wait. see you soon cupcutes: claudi, tracey, nikki, carissa, elisha and sam & ballada, i'll see you guys more. see you providence. we should have a reunion.
and cru, disneyland! see you there.

college nights.

theres nothing like those college nights.
its thursday night with nothing to do and no transportation to the clubs.
what to do? bring the party to us. laughs, more laughs, pictures, drinks
and a pretty ole good time with the friends. theres nothing
like those days! the college nights when you're room becomes the party
and where people are there to crash right after. taking care of your friends who
are totally shitfaced and are totally out of it. life wouldnt be complete
with those college nights. thats what its all about, the pure enjoyment of life and fun. nothing can can better than this. it may not be your proudest
moment, being all gone. but its definitely a moment to remember.
life at its best. thanks college, and heres to the night. may it be remembered and never forgotten. we all need a little fun in our lives. live, laugh, love, take pics, get shitfaced, laugh somemore, video tape yourself on a mac, laugh again, drink, eat, and crash.
live it up, you only get one chance.


paz con tigo,
MARC

waiting for the world to CHANGE.

its funny how when you move two steps forward, it seems to take you 5 steps backward.
the recent news in our country has really gotten to make me think about the world.
the recent election has been probably the hottest topic around. and Obamas win has
really touched me. not because i'm democratic or republican, but because i feel like
its a move forward for mankind. our first black president, who couldnt be any
happier? what does this tell you? that things are CHANGING. thank GOD. its about
time! why does the minority have to feel like the odd ball out. well, guess what.. not anymore. =]
but along with this victory came another defeat. although we've moved a step away from racism,
i feel like we've moved 10 steps closer to discrimination. how so? easy, PROP 8.
sure, we may have defeated racial dicrimination but have we defeated all discrimination?
nope! why does it matter if you are in a same sex marriage? its upsetting that
people have the power to deny someone the right to marry the person they love, whether or not
if they're the same sex. i thought marriage was about LOVE, have people forgotten?
not that im bagging on you if you voted yes on PROP 8, its just sucks.
what would you do if someone told you you couldnt marry someone you love?
if you dont like gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person. plain and simple.
im all about equality and rights and although OBAMA's win is a step forward, yes on prop 8 is just a step backward.

this is not written because its about me or because its about someone i know,
this blog is just about the people out there who just want live like you and me.
EQUALITY... isnt that what we all want?

paz con tigo,
MARC

funs over, back to work.

ohkay, so this week was pretty much my chill week. i went out
every single day, whether it was a late night food run or hanging
out with my "CRU". but now that this week has come to an end, the last month of
school is starting to kick into high gear. everyday next week and the weeks after there is a test, quiz, or presentation, and even project. the next week is full
with anatomy lab quizzes, an anatomy lecture test, and a micro quiz. all of which
i need to ACE. but its hard and thats the problem. this is just so hard. no matter
what i try to do, i feel like its never enough. school has become my life.
it seems like theres no time to have fun anymore. and when i get the chance, it
barely counts as fun. i dont know what im trying to say but.. yeah.

ahh the stress is coming. can't wait till its all over.

sorry it always talk about this school stuff
but it really is a big deal. anyways, i hope you're okay.

have fun stay safe and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

paz con tigo,
MARC

things have changed.

i dont know what it is, but definitely things have changed.
not only school, but my life, and basically me.
on one hand theres my personal life: im finally okay
thanks to kimmie and macey. and btw i love you guys.
with the whole school thing, things seem different:
people, friends, school. i feel like im starting to get left
behind with all the grades. i feel like im starting to go down
with my grades. and it feels like i've lost my motivation to
study. life is difficult and i can't wait to go but then i realize that my friends aren't going to leave me behind, the ones that really care. i know i got my msmc friends like sam and ballada and of course my "CRU". but im starting to feel that
i might be that one person who doesnt cut it. but enough negativity its time to
focus on positivity. i will make it, i promise. =]

uhhh its just one of those times when life gets too much.
i guess all i need is that extra kick and im good.
im done, and thanks for reading.

paz con tigo,
MARC

its almost on its way...

my next blog.
but not now im studying.
ps. knotts was fun. i love u guys.

its not the mount, its a fucking mountain!

ohhhhkayyy, so its been like so long since i've written in this and i believe its about time to do so.
let me update you on whats happened so far. i finally moved into my dorm room, so i guess im kinda
on my own. i've met different people. some new friendships have been created, and some old friendships
have been tested. its not dramatic or anything but the friends in my life are the ones i want. and im good with that.
school has begun, and like i predicted... its hard. nothing can better explain it than that word.
nursing is exactly what i've been warned about. school is harder for me than it has ever been.
the only breaks i feel i ever get is the time i have to sleep, which ranges from 4-6 hours. i have to admit
i've spent some time chillin and talkin with people instead of studying, but college is also about fun, right?
but school is getting worse, micro and anatomy are enough to handle but add both labs, psych papers, english essays, and spr
freshmen intro to college classes... and what do you get, a big ass headache. im still tryna balance all my school work in with some
leisure time but it just gets crazy. i hope i get into the nursing program by the end of my freshmen year. i really need that to happen. but all i can do is try my best in school and pray that it all works out for my benefit.

college, it definitely is a challenge and it really is different from high school.
ill see you guyys later, pray for me and for all the nurses in the world lol. =]



paz con tigo,
MARC

goodbye to yesterday

i've realized. things arent going to be the same anymore.
i mean school wise. it finally hit me that
im not going to be with the people who helped
me become me the past four years. its so hard
to take in. not seeing my friends that ive
grown so accustomed to being there.

i dont know what it is. but it sucks. im
definitely gonna miss all our times
together, the good and the bad.

i dont know what other way to say this,
but i misss high school. i dont miss the
dumb drama and all the stupid bitches.
but i will definitely miss the amazing and
unforgettable times i had with my closest friends.
this blog is dedicated to you guys:
my cupcutes, MAFIA, all of asia, all my BFFs,
all of my friends who i will truly miss.

i can never forget my high school friends.
its been so clearly stated to me by alot of
older people ive come across. they all say the same thing,
your high school friends are the friends
that you keep close to you the rest of your life.
its just so difficult to think that i wont be
seeing their faces daily anymore.

i dont know what it is, but im just missing my high school experience.

its just so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

JULY 25th = HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

First of all,
HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TO ME!

it finally came. eighteen. the year you can
call yourself an adult. but with the age come
responsibilities. responsibilities im not
sure i can handle. but thats what growing up comes with...
i'm eighteen and as ready as i can be.
hello world, are you ready ?




& also
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIMEE!







p.s. today marks one month till the start of MSMC death. =] way to celebrate

IM SO FUCKING OVER IT.

i dont care anymore.
fuck it.

ugh.













i just want to say i hate everyone, except some people.

birthday wish list.

wow the things i WANT. of course i dont NEED most
of this stuff, but i def want it. =]


levis 511 skinny jeans


ugg australia
classic short boot


ugg australia
byron mocassin ish type thing



college stuff from target or bed bath & beyond



&what i actually do NEED, MONEY =]
i think u all know how it looks like =]

casual then serious.

im getting married! hahaha NOT!
but my sister is and its getting even more intense.
kimmie and i did the cd giveaways and finally finished.
woo! the invitations were sent out today! and the day
keeps getting closer and closer. marriage has become a big
topic that i happen to come across.

maybe its because i love the show TORI & DEAN : HOME SWEET HOLLYWOOD.

and this show is all about their marriage.
i have no reason why i love it, but i do. i like tori spelling.
shes a cutie and her whole family is too.

i also find myself watching platinum weddings
and briezilla.
hahaha okay, so having nothing to do
over summer has made me a couch potato who
watches other peoples lives. i dont know what it is,
but weddings are happy times and i guess thats why i watch
them, they make me happy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay, so enough with the marriage talk. time to talk about me, again. lol.

i dont know what it is, but my moods are so off. one moment
im really happy with everyone and everything. the other second when i have
a chance to think, i get into this melancholy mood. i dont know
what it is, but thinking about my life troubles me. whats going
to happen next. will i get married? is life gonna be good for me
when i get older? these questions trouble me to the extent that i no longer
want to grow older. i feel that staying where i am now is a safe place.
the risk of growing older and not knowing whats next makes me confused.
the future is a big and scary place i dont want to face. but all i need
is that leap of faith and im there. but for now, i think im good
on staying on the safe side. maybe ill meet the person who will push me
past the limit. or maybe i've already meet them. i guess only
time can tell. but wait, is that time now, or never?


paz con tigo,
MARC