i get so weak.

I don't know what it is that you've done to me
But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing
It's a feeling that I want to stay
'Cuz my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the cause and cure is you


I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak, I lose all control
Then somethin' takes over me
In a daze, your love's so amazing
It's not a phase
I want you to stay with me, by my side
I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet, it knocks me right off of my feet
Can't explain why your lovin' makes me weak


Time after time after time I've tried to fight it
But your love is strong, it keeps on holdin' on
Resistance is down when you're around, pride's fading
In my condition I don't want to be alone
'Cuz my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the cause and cure is you, you

here's where i begin, enough of jojo's song lol. this song is so true and relevant and she couldnt or swv couldnt put it any way better. i really dont know what it is or what you do to make me weak everytime you're around. everytime you're there, this whole new feeling of joy rushes through me. my heart smiles and i'm in total weakness in your presence. the effect you have on me is something great. i dont know if this is making sense, but i just get so weak...

paz con tigo,
MARC

when you look me in the eyes.

finally, i'm starting to come into the person i truly am. im not afraid to tell people how i really feel and im not afraid to show who i really am. but because of this new found revelation, comes this curse. the topic of love and relationships is always a constant topic among people i hang with. and i dont blame them for talking about it. i mean it must be amazing... not that i'd know. but now that i've come to realize who i really am, like who i really really am; and i find myself stuck.

it never really occured to me how i really felt until the day you looked me in the eyes. and from then on, my feelings developed. everyday that you spoke to me, or even looked at me, my heart kept falling faster. your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your compassion, yourself, you... everything about you seems perfect. the way you make me smile, the way you make me feel, the way you make me laugh, the way you are, the way you understand, its just all perfect. everytime you're around i feel safe and comfortable. you make me want to be me when you're around. i'm just so happy when you're there. and i want that in my life. but guess what, i can't have that. everyday i see you, my heart smiles bigger than ever. but even though it does, i can never show you how i really feel. i try my best to hide it and it hurts me inside to do it because if i told you, you probably wouldn't talk to me ever again. its so hard, so difficult, so unfair how i can never let you know how i feel about you. but i guess thats what life is supposed to be, hard. i think its come to a point that i can say i love you. but at the same time i can't. its hard to love a person, who won't love you back. so i guess all im left to do is wait for the next best thing. but thats the thing, i dont want anything but you. i want you; and i can't have you and it hurts so bad to know that it'll never be. all i can do is wonder what could be and forget what i want it to be. i sit everyday thinking about you and i cry knowing whoever will be with you is THE LUCKIEST PERSON ever. i wish them the best and i hope they appreciate you for who you are. because i honestly know what im going to miss out on. have fun, while i sit here waiting for the day you tell me that you love me back. i love you. and thats all i can say. my heart hurts knowing it can't be, but thats the way it is. and thats the way its going to be. but when you look me in the eyes, my heart melts. and the only way to get it back together is to snap back into reality.

this time its not paz con tigo..
te amo para siempre,
MARC

ps i hope this isnt creeper status. its not meant to be.

capturing time.

its times like these you're thankful
for your friends and for the people
who make real life become a piece of art.
thanks bullet!

so long, goodbye

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean "I'll miss you"
Until you meet again.

Sure saying goodbye is a part of life
but it’s defnitely something I wasn’t ready
for. You might be thinking, oh he's talking about saying goodbye to 2008 and
hello to the new year. And you may be correct. Well, partially.
Two-thousand eight was full of good memories (especially because of Senior Year)
and I’m sad to see them go, but i'm not just talking about that.

It started with my sisters wedding, seeing her walk down the
aisle at her wedding brought tears of joy into my eyes.
I couldn't have been any happier for her, until the end of this year came.
As 2008 ended I realized that my time with her was coming to an end and
it only became more of a reality as it moved closer. Thanksgiving
passed and Christmas arrived and so did the thoughts of her departure.
I'm not going to see my "Ate" anymore as much as I do.
And as soon as you know it, the new year had come... and guess what?
a new beginning had arrived as well, at least for my sister.
New Years day was probably the saddest family party I've gone to.
Seeing my whole family cry as they said their final goodbyes to the newlyweds.
It was especially hard to see Macey and Ate say their goodbyes, they could not stop crying
because they knew it had actually come to this, the end. They simply looked
at each other and tears ran down their faces. Seeing Ate hug
her second "little sister" only made the goodbye even more special.

The first of January passed and the 3rd finally came. The day that
my sister and her new husband would actually leave for good to
their new home in Massachusetts…had actually come.
I woke up to Eric and Tita Rowena greeting everyone in the house…
But most importantly I woke up knowing this would be the hardest day I’d ever go through.
We ate our final breakfast with my sister and Paul and after... it was finally
the time. Everyones mood seemed to go from happy to sad. We all stood in
the street waiting for them to leave and it was time. Paul said, “lets go,”
and we all looked at my sister and immediately the tears ran down our faces.
The first person to say Bye was my mom and never have I heard both of them
cry like they did that saturday morning. It was the cry only a mother and her
daughter could ever share. It was a cry of pain, of loss, of hope, and at the same time of
joy. My dad of course followed after, making sure not to show the pain he really
felt, covering it up with jokes. Following was Tita Rowena and never have I seen her cry like she did
that day. Following was Eric with a sad look in his face making sure not to let himself get too sad. And after was Kimmie,
they hugged for the longest time making sure to not let go because any extra second only meant she'd be here a little longer. My older sisters words still stick in my mind
as she told Kimmie, "You're the NEW Ate now, be good, they look up to you now,
take care of them... I won’t be here anymore to do it." And I didnt really cry until that sentence registered in my head. So I hugged my sister last making sure to squeeze as hard as
I could because this was it. After all of that, she walked into
Pauls truck crying hysterically saying her final goodbye to the only home
shes known. And it was complete. My sister had finally drove off with her
husband to their new life in Massachusetts. The tears didnt end their. I walked back
into the house where I heard my mom crying. NEVER HAVE I HEARD SUCH A CRY. I heard
my mom cry like a mother who had just lost her daughter. Of course she was in the
arms of Tita Rowena comforting her that it would be okay...

That was the hardest day I've ever been through. Saying goodbye to my oldest sister
was unbareable. Sure, she promised to move back after a while. But my oldest sister,
who has been there for me since birth had actually... left. She had actually left to her new life. The bird finally flew from the nest and its hard to accept. As much as I keep
my feelings in its so hard to realize that my sister is no longer
here, living with us in the house. I guess it won’t hit
us until we are by ourselves noticing that there is a missing
piec e to our little family puzzle. When I come back on the weekends I won’t see her at home
and that scares me...

Times ARE moving forward and nothing lasts forever. AND thats whats so hard
to accept. I really do miss my sister and I wish she was still here,
but I guess the memories are what we have left. Me and kimmie will
have to tuff it out here in California without our oldest sister, our "ATE," our one and only... ATE.

I miss you Ate, and you don’t know how much we miss you.
I wish you all the best in your new life with Paul out there in Massachusetts.
You will be TRULY AND GREATLY MISSED. I LOVE YOU.

AND here it goes, as tears run down my face… SO LONG, GOODBYE.
(but see you soon…)


paz con tigo,
MARC

times are changing.

with another year gone, the memories
linger in "what was" and the future holds
"what may be". i don't really know whats
going on in my life, but something is going
maybe its a loss, maybe its fear. maybe its just
the end of a good year. i'll miss it. but i wont
misss ALL of it. time is definitely moving forward
and for some reason i just want it to stop.
with my sister gone, it just seems different
my family seems different, i feel different
everything feels different
its just hard to except that times are changing
and nothing lasts forever.

its hard to say goodbye, but its even harder to let go.

more to come.
this is just an appetizer

paz con tigo,
MARC

its definitely the end.

BEFORE YOU START READING THIS PLAY THE SONG "AVE MARIA" AND THEN READ ON:
IT MAKES A BETTER EFFECT)

I Am...Sasha Fierce


i started out college thinking that life was going to be hard, but now that my
first semesters over, i've realized its even worse than i had thought at first.
and its not going to get any better from here on out.

my first semester of college was an experience like no other. when i think of it,
my first semester was split up in two parts: the fun part and the school part.
obvously the school part is what still gets me. trying to study so hard for tests
to only find out you get f's on them is so not what i expected. school is hard and
thats what sucks, its just going to stay the same until i leave and graduate.
i guess i can't really decribe how it is. its always this constant pressure on you
to get the best grades possible. but how when theres so many people trying to compete
with you and all you can do is try. its just hard. one second you can be there and
another second you can be gone. and why? because a certain class (thats not important)
happens to be the biggest obstacle to you to get to the program? school can be
F'ed up. but i guess thats just me complaining.

but aside from school, i'd rather spend my time talking about the fun part of my
first semester of college. to start off, i didnt find it hard to transition from
high school to college because of my high school friends. eric, nikki, claudette, and joanne (aside from kristina and sam; because i see them everyday) really helped me through the transition. having them constantly care, having them constanly there, and constantly talking to them made me feel like they still cared. i never felt alone
and i'm happy they're my best friends =]. to know that you can be far apart and
still talk like you see them everyday is when you know that you've got a good thing
or things in your life. thanks guys, you are my bff's for life. and even though i
dont talk to everyone everyday, when i do talk to you: i love you. fio, galia,
tracey c., carissa, gonda, jen, and darlene i'm talking about you. even though i dont
talk to you daily, when i get the chance too: its amazing. thank you for also
keeping me sane. =] i couldnt do it without you.

i have to add a disclaimer. lol. i want to especially mention ballada and sam.
without these two cutes, i'd kill myself on that mountain. i want to specially thank
them for keeping me sane and helping me to get through every hell day at school.
they're pretty much why i can get up to go to school: because of these two bitches. i know that they'll be there for me and i love you guys so much you have no idea!

anyways my new friends are also a fun part of my college experience. i love you CRU.
you're to many to name! but thanks too for being there. tiffany, ballada, sam, rosanna, adrienne and josh. thanks for everything. the last weeks of school were
some good times only because of you. the laughs, cry's, and crazyness is something
i'll always remember. thanks to you guys i've been able to keep myself on the mount.
and without you guys i wouldnt wake up to go to that "hell hole." our late night
eating runs, our random outings and our infinite amount of laughs, cry's, and serious
talks with the sexual parts too lol. thanks so much for helping me through it all.
and i can't forget all those people i actually shared REAL and TRUE talks with:
im talking about you guys that were part of our "mini kairos." lol thanks for
listening and thanks for understanding. i love you guys (you know who you
are: all of us in my room that one random night. but i'll mention you guys again: sam, kristina, justine, adrienne, josh, and joflo)

pretty much the fun part of my first semester was definitely FRIENDS. my first roomie
scooter, my newly found friends from CASA, pretty much the people at the mount are
what makes it fun. so thanks.

but of course i couldnt forget the best people in life: my pink ladies (coco, kim, mace).
KIMMIE and MACEY especially i really do love you guys so much. thank you
for letting me... be me. =]

but now that my first semester is over, i've realized that i'm constantly being
surrounded by great people. i'm really lucky. and even if i dont see
everyone next semester i'm happy to have shared such a good first semester with you.
it really is the end of a good semester, thank you GOD.
but im sure i will seee you when i see you.

paz con tigo,
MARC

anticipation and excitement.

school is coming to an end. its our last week of school full of finals.
well not exactly full. but i just can't wait to get out!
thursday after anat final = heaven. this first semester of college was definitely
fun because of the people. but it was also very hard... so im really happy to
get away from it all. i feel i deserve a break. a few more days...
can't wait. see you soon cupcutes: claudi, tracey, nikki, carissa, elisha and sam & ballada, i'll see you guys more. see you providence. we should have a reunion.
and cru, disneyland! see you there.