I've MOVED.

Hey Everyone. This will probably be my last post here. As usual, I don't like to stick to one thing for too long. I did the Xanga thing. I've now done the Blogspot thing. And now, im on the whole Tumblr thing. So, I'm done with this and moved on. See ya there. Follow me on Tumblr! BYE BLOGSPOT.

a bunch of feelings in one paragraph.

WARNING: CRAZY RANT AHEAD.
i talked to my friend and it was really one of those great talks. and something hit me when they said, "its hard telling people to be happy when your not even that happy yourself." wow, you couldnt be anymore on target than that. alot of the times i try to give people advice, trying to help them out. but for some reason, i tend to ignore my own suggestions and ignore what im feeling at that moment. its like i end up pushing my own feelings to the side. did i forget? or do i choose to forget? i really don't know the answer to that. but in order for me to help others, i think i need to help myself first. and thanks for helping me realize that friend. we are wayy more alike than we think. even if i am a boy and you are a girl, we can relate. its good to know that theres someone there going, or has gone through what i've felt or am currently feeling. people go through so much and its not until you understand what they've been through until you truly get to know who they really are. its really hard to be in my shoes right now. but i cant imagine what other people are going through. its probably way worse than me, but its just that feeling thats so hard to bear. and speaking about feelings, wow. i just want you by aj rafael is the story of my life. seriously my head is full of thoughts and im typing them as they come. dont mind the randomness. but life is hard. and i appalaud those who've found themselves. i admire your strength. and i'll let you know when i get there. my feelings are kinda just all over the place. but most of the time, in the quiet of the day i think to myself how much i want my life to be different. and to end this thing, its hard to compete when you're not even in the race to begin with.

paz con tigo,
MARC

i get so weak.

I don't know what it is that you've done to me
But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way
Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing
It's a feeling that I want to stay
'Cuz my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the cause and cure is you


I get so weak in the knees
I can hardly speak, I lose all control
Then somethin' takes over me
In a daze, your love's so amazing
It's not a phase
I want you to stay with me, by my side
I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet, it knocks me right off of my feet
Can't explain why your lovin' makes me weak


Time after time after time I've tried to fight it
But your love is strong, it keeps on holdin' on
Resistance is down when you're around, pride's fading
In my condition I don't want to be alone
'Cuz my heart starts beating triple time
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind
I can't figure out just what to do
When the cause and cure is you, you

here's where i begin, enough of jojo's song lol. this song is so true and relevant and she couldnt or swv couldnt put it any way better. i really dont know what it is or what you do to make me weak everytime you're around. everytime you're there, this whole new feeling of joy rushes through me. my heart smiles and i'm in total weakness in your presence. the effect you have on me is something great. i dont know if this is making sense, but i just get so weak...

paz con tigo,
MARC

when you look me in the eyes.

finally, i'm starting to come into the person i truly am. im not afraid to tell people how i really feel and im not afraid to show who i really am. but because of this new found revelation, comes this curse. the topic of love and relationships is always a constant topic among people i hang with. and i dont blame them for talking about it. i mean it must be amazing... not that i'd know. but now that i've come to realize who i really am, like who i really really am; and i find myself stuck.

it never really occured to me how i really felt until the day you looked me in the eyes. and from then on, my feelings developed. everyday that you spoke to me, or even looked at me, my heart kept falling faster. your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your compassion, yourself, you... everything about you seems perfect. the way you make me smile, the way you make me feel, the way you make me laugh, the way you are, the way you understand, its just all perfect. everytime you're around i feel safe and comfortable. you make me want to be me when you're around. i'm just so happy when you're there. and i want that in my life. but guess what, i can't have that. everyday i see you, my heart smiles bigger than ever. but even though it does, i can never show you how i really feel. i try my best to hide it and it hurts me inside to do it because if i told you, you probably wouldn't talk to me ever again. its so hard, so difficult, so unfair how i can never let you know how i feel about you. but i guess thats what life is supposed to be, hard. i think its come to a point that i can say i love you. but at the same time i can't. its hard to love a person, who won't love you back. so i guess all im left to do is wait for the next best thing. but thats the thing, i dont want anything but you. i want you; and i can't have you and it hurts so bad to know that it'll never be. all i can do is wonder what could be and forget what i want it to be. i sit everyday thinking about you and i cry knowing whoever will be with you is THE LUCKIEST PERSON ever. i wish them the best and i hope they appreciate you for who you are. because i honestly know what im going to miss out on. have fun, while i sit here waiting for the day you tell me that you love me back. i love you. and thats all i can say. my heart hurts knowing it can't be, but thats the way it is. and thats the way its going to be. but when you look me in the eyes, my heart melts. and the only way to get it back together is to snap back into reality.

this time its not paz con tigo..
te amo para siempre,
MARC

ps i hope this isnt creeper status. its not meant to be.

capturing time.

its times like these you're thankful
for your friends and for the people
who make real life become a piece of art.
thanks bullet!

so long, goodbye

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean "I'll miss you"
Until you meet again.

Sure saying goodbye is a part of life
but it’s defnitely something I wasn’t ready
for. You might be thinking, oh he's talking about saying goodbye to 2008 and
hello to the new year. And you may be correct. Well, partially.
Two-thousand eight was full of good memories (especially because of Senior Year)
and I’m sad to see them go, but i'm not just talking about that.

It started with my sisters wedding, seeing her walk down the
aisle at her wedding brought tears of joy into my eyes.
I couldn't have been any happier for her, until the end of this year came.
As 2008 ended I realized that my time with her was coming to an end and
it only became more of a reality as it moved closer. Thanksgiving
passed and Christmas arrived and so did the thoughts of her departure.
I'm not going to see my "Ate" anymore as much as I do.
And as soon as you know it, the new year had come... and guess what?
a new beginning had arrived as well, at least for my sister.
New Years day was probably the saddest family party I've gone to.
Seeing my whole family cry as they said their final goodbyes to the newlyweds.
It was especially hard to see Macey and Ate say their goodbyes, they could not stop crying
because they knew it had actually come to this, the end. They simply looked
at each other and tears ran down their faces. Seeing Ate hug
her second "little sister" only made the goodbye even more special.

The first of January passed and the 3rd finally came. The day that
my sister and her new husband would actually leave for good to
their new home in Massachusetts…had actually come.
I woke up to Eric and Tita Rowena greeting everyone in the house…
But most importantly I woke up knowing this would be the hardest day I’d ever go through.
We ate our final breakfast with my sister and Paul and after... it was finally
the time. Everyones mood seemed to go from happy to sad. We all stood in
the street waiting for them to leave and it was time. Paul said, “lets go,”
and we all looked at my sister and immediately the tears ran down our faces.
The first person to say Bye was my mom and never have I heard both of them
cry like they did that saturday morning. It was the cry only a mother and her
daughter could ever share. It was a cry of pain, of loss, of hope, and at the same time of
joy. My dad of course followed after, making sure not to show the pain he really
felt, covering it up with jokes. Following was Tita Rowena and never have I seen her cry like she did
that day. Following was Eric with a sad look in his face making sure not to let himself get too sad. And after was Kimmie,
they hugged for the longest time making sure to not let go because any extra second only meant she'd be here a little longer. My older sisters words still stick in my mind
as she told Kimmie, "You're the NEW Ate now, be good, they look up to you now,
take care of them... I won’t be here anymore to do it." And I didnt really cry until that sentence registered in my head. So I hugged my sister last making sure to squeeze as hard as
I could because this was it. After all of that, she walked into
Pauls truck crying hysterically saying her final goodbye to the only home
shes known. And it was complete. My sister had finally drove off with her
husband to their new life in Massachusetts. The tears didnt end their. I walked back
into the house where I heard my mom crying. NEVER HAVE I HEARD SUCH A CRY. I heard
my mom cry like a mother who had just lost her daughter. Of course she was in the
arms of Tita Rowena comforting her that it would be okay...

That was the hardest day I've ever been through. Saying goodbye to my oldest sister
was unbareable. Sure, she promised to move back after a while. But my oldest sister,
who has been there for me since birth had actually... left. She had actually left to her new life. The bird finally flew from the nest and its hard to accept. As much as I keep
my feelings in its so hard to realize that my sister is no longer
here, living with us in the house. I guess it won’t hit
us until we are by ourselves noticing that there is a missing
piec e to our little family puzzle. When I come back on the weekends I won’t see her at home
and that scares me...

Times ARE moving forward and nothing lasts forever. AND thats whats so hard
to accept. I really do miss my sister and I wish she was still here,
but I guess the memories are what we have left. Me and kimmie will
have to tuff it out here in California without our oldest sister, our "ATE," our one and only... ATE.

I miss you Ate, and you don’t know how much we miss you.
I wish you all the best in your new life with Paul out there in Massachusetts.
You will be TRULY AND GREATLY MISSED. I LOVE YOU.

AND here it goes, as tears run down my face… SO LONG, GOODBYE.
(but see you soon…)


paz con tigo,
MARC

times are changing.

with another year gone, the memories
linger in "what was" and the future holds
"what may be". i don't really know whats
going on in my life, but something is going
maybe its a loss, maybe its fear. maybe its just
the end of a good year. i'll miss it. but i wont
misss ALL of it. time is definitely moving forward
and for some reason i just want it to stop.
with my sister gone, it just seems different
my family seems different, i feel different
everything feels different
its just hard to except that times are changing
and nothing lasts forever.

its hard to say goodbye, but its even harder to let go.

more to come.
this is just an appetizer

paz con tigo,
MARC